Written by: Amanda Levison, M.S., LMHC, LPC, CCBT
Being in a new relationship can be so exciting that it's easy to assume that the "honeymoon phase" will last forever. Most of us know this all too well. However, that's not the case. After the initial butterflies have dwindled, you or your partner may become bored and even antsy, especially if the relationship is not built on a genuine and strong connection. After a while, the relationship may start to feel dry and routine. It may feel stale and mundane. While you should take note of this change in dynamic, try not to be extremely stressed about it. This does not automatically mean the relationship is doomed. It just needs some new life breathed into it. Communication and a willingness to put in effort from both partners are all it takes to revive a relationship.
Perhaps it seems like you do not do anything fun together, or you just aren't attracted to your partner in the same way. Signs of a boring relationship can be easy to identify and may cause you and your partner to grow apart. One reason troubling signs of a boring relationship appear is that the relationship carries on, so people stop putting in the same effort they did in the initial stages. There is nothing wrong with becoming comfortable in a relationship, but becoming stagnant leads to boredom.
Signs Your Partner is Bored in the Relationship: Recognizing the Warning Signals
Your partner seems to be preoccupied with their phone a lot more than usual.
This sign could be easy-to-miss because, let's face it, we're all guilty of this habit sometimes, yet it could be a red flag that your partner has become bored with your relationship. You two are physically in the same room together, but they are not showing any attention to you.
They are not excited anymore.
Your partner may show a general lack of excitement to be with you and do any activities together. Movies? Dinner? Taking a walk? They just are not excited to engage in anything anymore.
You start arguing over little things.
Your partner picking small fights over every little thing could indicate boredom. If they are bored, they do not wish to show effort to anything because they do not see the point in trying. This means negative emotions over every little detail will start coming out, as they are probably over it.
They avoid talking about the future.
If you try to talk about your future together, you might notice that they become awkward, uncomfortable, or completely blow off the subject. A bored partner is not invested in the relationship, so they may be unsettled thinking about a future with you.
They do not want to try new things.
Being bored means they do not wish to put effort into the relationship, telling them they will lack interest in new date ideas or activities together. They will want to stick to the same routine you have formed because it is the easiest route.
They do not want to spend much time with you.
They are probably making more effort to be with their friends and family. You may try to plan a date night and find they are constantly giving excuses as to why they cannot do something with you that night. If you are in a group setting, they will probably drift toward others and be noticeably more happy to be talking to others. This could be a result of boredom as well.
It is more challenging to have conversations.
Small talk should be easy with your partner. However, if they are bored, it might be hard to come up with new things to discuss.
Conversations may feel short.
You ask them about their day. They say, "Good." You ask them how they are feeling. They say, "Fine."
They are not invested in you anymore.
They seem to lack a general interest in you and your life. They do not ask you how your day was or how things are going at work. Once the honeymoon phase ends, you have gotten to know each other pretty well, but they should still show interest in continuing to know about you. They seem just to be bored.
As stated before, signs of boredom do not mean the relationship is automatically doomed to fail. Being bored could mean they are comfortable in the relationship and used to a steady routine. The best way to start addressing the problems is to open with your partner. Sit them down without distractions, and tell them how you feel. Tell them you think they are bored with you directly, as they may not be actively aware of their behaviors. It may not be intentional. Your partner may have been afraid to tell you how they feel. They might not have known how to address the situation. Bringing up the problem could be the first spark that reignites your relationship. This shows you do care about them.
There isn't one way to handle feeling bored in your relationship- depending on how much effort you are willing to put into it. You could come out of this phase stronger. It can be impossible to avoid boredom altogether. Don't be too hard on yourself or your relationship if you're bored. Boredom is natural. As humans, we have evolved to adapt to these situations. The excitement we feel early on in any experience dissipates over time. As we learn more about our partners, there are fewer opportunities to learn new things. Being bored can signify that it is time to pay more attention to the relationship.
Opening a line of communication will allow you to work together with your partner to fix the issue of boredom. Both of you showing that you care is the key to this working. One person putting in all of the efforts is how you have arrived here in the first place. There are solutions to help both of you.
Coping When You're Bored in Your Relationship
Change your routines within the relationship.
Sure, they may have shown a lack of interest before, but your partner probably thought the relationship had dried up. There are plenty of ways to change things up. Do date nights on different nights of the week. Try new restaurants for dinner, try new experiences. Developing a mutual hobby is a great way to ignite something new and tends to work very well. Finding mutual interests and engaging in them will help. You can go to concerts and movies you love, or maybe you have a mutual sports team for which you can play games. Try something new that both of you would be excited to try.
Talk to each other (and genuinely listen) daily.
It is easy to grow apart when we are wrapped up in our busy lives and comfortable in our relationship, but communication is crucial. If you want to fix a monotonous relationship, you must talk to each other. Reserve time at the end of each day to have a meaningful conversation about how your days went, and consider scheduling a weekly "relationship check-in." You and your partner can discuss how things are going, what you need from each other in the coming week, and if there is anything you aren't getting out of the relationship that you need.
Make it a point to go on dates.
Changing routines means adding fun and different activities, but sometimes that involves being in a group setting. Make it a point to go on specific date nights for just the two of you. Communication is vital, but sometimes surprises are fun. Maybe your partner has a favorite activity you may not be as interested in. For example, they could be into art, and you are not. Perhaps they are into aquariums and are usually not your thing. Taking them on a date to a pottery/paint store or an aquarium shows them that you are interested in what makes them happy. You could even grow more interested in this activity than you thought possible.
Consider couples counseling.
Couples counseling is a powerful resource that can significantly enhance your relationship satisfaction. Engaging in couples counseling provides you with the support of a trained professional who acts as an impartial mediator, ensuring fairness and helping you navigate through relationship challenges. It is essential to recognize that feelings of boredom within a partnership may extend beyond one partner, and there could be underlying issues that require the assistance of a mental health professional. In certain cases, boredom might even be a manifestation of other mental health concerns. If you believe that couples counseling could benefit you, please reach out to our office via call or email to schedule an appointment with one of our highly skilled therapists. They are dedicated to guiding you toward a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
Sometimes, the bored partner maybe you, and you may not even realize it. Think about if the signs of a bored partner apply to you. It is good to become self-aware. Even if you are not currently bored in your relationship, it could potentially happen in the future. If you realize you are the bored partner, bringing it up to your partner is very helpful. Your actions may hurt or uneasy them; they could have wanted to discuss it. Opening up and communicating shows your partner that you care, and the same steps for fixing a relationship apply.
Working together to solve issues is a sign the relationship can work, as both of you care enough to fix it. This means you have decided there is something worth saving. Sometimes boredom implies that your partner is genuinely just done with the relationship. You have talked to them, aired your feelings, asked and tried to fix things, and they still do not want to. Remember that you must show the same effort for a relationship to be remedied. Sometimes the best thing to do is bravely end things with your partner. It is not an easy decision, but you cannot suffer in silence. Trying to suffer through a relationship with an uninterested partner will only lead to even more hurt feelings and potential betrayals. Eventually, you will find someone deserving of you and your time.
Boredom can indeed arise in relationships as partners become increasingly comfortable with one another. However, it is crucial to address this boredom and establish healthy boundaries within your relationship. Setting boundaries helps create a sense of balance, respect, and individuality, allowing both partners to maintain their identities while fostering a stronger connection. By openly discussing and mutually agreeing upon boundaries, you can navigate through challenges and grow together. Caring gestures, effective communication, and consistent effort become even more powerful when accompanied by well-defined boundaries, providing a solid foundation for your relationship to flourish and evolve.